One of my non-Christian friends was asking me some very genuine questions about my Christian relationship. Again, this is my first Christian relationship, so for my friends who have never known me as a Christian, it’s a little strange to hear about some of the things we do… or rather DON’T do.
She is engaged to be married and her and her fiance` live together. It was blowing her mind that my boyfriend and I will not live together unless we get married. We don’t sleep together and we don’t have sex. She was most curious about how we reconnect after a disagreement, argument, or just a tough day. She went on to explain that through making love to one another, that’s how they reconnect. They become renewed in their love and are one again. And I get that. I know what that’s like. But it got me thinking too and I realized something days after we had this conversation: I think I know (besides procreation) why God wants us to save sex for marriage.
The idea that making love brings a couple together as one flesh is correct. It does reconnect you to one another in the most intimate way. But it is a PRIVILEGE given to MARRIED couples by GOD.
If sex were merely for procreation, God would not have made it a pleasurable experience. It wouldn’t have the power over our emotions and our hearts that it does (or can, at least). But this is my real point… This is why you DATE. You COURT one another. You get to know each other and you go through trials and tribulations and you survive them and reconnect without make-up sex. You need to use God and each other to bring your relationship closer. You get as close as you can without it, and thus your relationship is stronger.
Because God hates divorce, it makes sense that He would give married couples something to make reconnecting easier, to lighten the burden of problems on the marriage. But as a couple engaged or dating, you should learn to get through the minor problems without it, almost like a true test of your relationship. If you can survive things during your time together before you’re married, without sex, then – to me at least – you “deserve” to get married and use that privilege (for lack of a better word).
Then I got thinking “real-life” scenarios, too. For example, if a relationship hinges on reconnection in sex alone, what happens if the hypothetical husband develops prostate cancer and can never have sex with his wife again (or any other medical issue that prevents a couple from having sex ever again). How will your marriage survive? Just think about it…
Now, I’m not saying I have all the answers. There’s a ton more that goes into why people who are married shouldn’t have sex until they are, and I’ve written about it a few times too, but I really don’t think I’m wrong here. I feel like this is a very big reason. I don’t know… maybe I’m assuming too much. But maybe I’m not.
All I can say for sure is that I’m a 22 year old single mother; clearly I haven’t always followed these rules, but if anything – I know now exactly why you should. God has begun working in me and its awesome. It’s so awesome.