anger, anxiety, Christ, emotions, faith, fear, loneliness, love, personal relationships, worth

why I’m not a perfectionist.

I’m not perfect.
But sometimes, I feel like some of the people around me, especially those closest to me, just expect me to be perfect. Whether it be that I always keep my emotions in check, or I graduate from college, or I don’t drink, or I don’t gossip, or I don’t have a rockin’ body anymore, or I don’t say anything disrespectful… whatever be the issue, I’m just not perfect anywhere. For example…
I wear bikinis, I sometimes use foul language, and I get my feelings hurt by A LOT of stuff I probably shouldn’t. I love a glass of wine and/or an ice-cold Bud Light, and I’ve made a ton of mistakes I can’t change. I spout of at the mouth when I’m angry, I take things personally, I like rap music, and I assume a lot of things without asking questions first.
I have good days and bad days. I have days that consist of nothing but worship and walking hand-in-hand with the Lord and other days, I just come under attack and I sometimes succumb to my fears.

But you know what? NONE OF THAT MATTERS. I’ve been struggling for days now, wasting my time stressing and depressed over not being perfect enough to deserve something from people when all along, I should have looked at them and said (and not rudely, just politely informed them), “You might think I need to be perfect, but Christ Jesus sure don’t. Thanks for your help, but He came to SAVE me, not CONDEMN me.”

Man, oh, man, was that realization freeing when it hit me like a brick just a little while ago. One of my friends put it much more eloquently; she said, “He didn’t die so I could be perfect. He died so I could be free.” It’s not that any of the things I listed are good things, and I’m not advocating them at all, let alone giving anyone an excuse to cut loose and do whatever they want. They aren’t the RIGHT thing, but getting into heaven and having a relationship with Christ isn’t about being perfect all of the time.
News flash: NO ONE IS PERFECT. “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” It’s in Romans (great book of the Bible, check it out).
THAT’S WHY JESUS CAME! So we could still get there, regardless of our imperfections. Like I said, everything I listed can be considered sin and is not righteous or good. But because I fall short of His glory, I alone am not righteous or good. I need Jesus to make me righteous and good.
Now, we should all resist and battle our sin, even if it’s until our dying breath. With God, we should always try. We should always seek the truth and with all our might, attempt to always do the righteous and good things in every area of our lives, but if we fail, thanks to Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior, we don’t have to wallow in shame over that failure. We have God’s grace and mercy and forgiveness for our sins and if we have a genuine relationship with Christ – even if we fight every day of our lives, but don’t win every battle – God will see our imperfect lives, but judge us based on His perfection. He paid our debt. He set us free. 

I’m not a perfectionist, and I’m done trying to be. I’m not going to waste one more minute trying to be perfect for people. If I can never be and will never be perfect for the man who paid the price for my salvation, why would I break my back to be perfect for anyone less than Him? If Jesus loves me that much regardless of that imperfection, that’s all that truly matters. This doesn’t excuse anyone’s judgemental behavior or unrealistic requirements on our lives, it does set us free from the pain their words and actions can cause us. And I’ll take it one further: if those people can’t love me the way that He has loved me, that’s okay, too. I can’t expect them to. Only Jesus as a heart that big.

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