I’ve wrestled for a while with this question: why, do I keep giving my troubles over to God, only to realize a few weeks later, that I’m still carrying them? I described it to a friend like, I walk up to the cross, I drop everything and I spend a while there with Jesus talking about how great it feels not to be carrying around all of those burdens. Then when He sends me off to go about my day, I smile, pick up my baggage, and head back out. I just imagine that Jesus kind of cocks His head to the side and gives me this look as I walk away, like “Girl, what are you doing?” But He lets me take it. I know this is something He’s going to let me do on my own but I just really wonder why I keep doing that.
Jesus offers to trade burdens with us, His is easy. He wants to free us of our pain. And there have been a few instances that I can guarantee you, I’ve come before Him and laid it all down. I’ve dropped everything at His feet. He’s built me up and I’ve found some healing.
But then, within a few weeks, comes the sharp stab and I realize, I’m still fighting that battle that I handed over. I’m carrying that hurt still.
Like I said, I’ve been wrestling with this in prayer, in conversation, in meditation… I just couldn’t find the answer.
Well, this past Sunday, I finally got it.
At our church, every so often they have what they call Youth Sunday, where the youth pastor and youth group lead the service. Being that our youth just got back from their retreat, they allowed a few of them to share their testimony about something miraculous they’d experienced at the retreat.
One girl began to describe her condition before retreat as much like what I’d been struggling with. I waited on the edge of my seat for what she was about to say God revealed to her, and I wish I could quote her exactly, but I’ll do my best to summarize:
God says His mercies are new each morning. So we don’t have to give it all away to Him just once. We can wake up and give it to Him over and over again every day. It’s such a difficult thing to give it away and surrender control that we even need His help for that, so it’d be nearly impossible for us to do all in one shot.
What an amazing revelation! Like the Bible says, “give us this day, our daily bread,” God gives us enough grace and mercy and bread (if you will) for today. You won’t get tomorrow’s portion today. So if you come to Him with your troubles of today, today, He’ll give your mercy for today. And then tomorrow, give Him those troubles again, and you’ll get the mercy for tomorrow. And so on and so forth.
And by giving it all to God, day after day after day, you’ll be opening up your heart to the healing God has for you.
I can prove it. I’m still smiling everyday aren’t I? And when I say that’s by the grace of God, I really mean it. I’ve faced things that made me wish I could just die, or at least curl up under a rock for a while. God gives the strength and the power to overcome those urges, those feelings, and He replaces them with joy… even if He has to do it every single day.