Okay, I’ll admit it. I’ve got more than a few bad habits. And one of them happens to be that I tend to worry about stuff that isn’t happening yet. I get so caught up sometimes in what might or could be that I start missing what IS. And you know, sadly, I’ve done this A LOT. I’ve gotten a lot better, praise God, that now at least the good things don’t stress me out. (For example, I know where my relationship with my boyfriend is headed, but I’m happy with the way things are right now. I can appreciate him and our relationship the way it is. I’m not freaking out over where we’re going to live someday or how we’ll ever manage this or that… It’s not something I have to worry about). I know God provides for all of those things – though that’s progress for me, let me tell you. I haven’t always been able to say that.
But there’s still some things that creep up and I really begin to have a hard time. Like, when things threaten my insecurities and fears, I start to go a little mentally haywire. The past week or so, I’ve been wrestling with this thought of incompetence or insufficiency that stems back to my childhood, but plays itself out mostly in my romantic relationships. And while, thank God I’ve been healed enough that I’m not self-destructing, I still get a little emotionally suppressed by it and I feel a little down; I start to envy the gifts and talents of others and everything threatens what’s mine and I feel very fearful at times.
Now again – I can seriously cry out in praise just based on the fact that I know this about myself and even though the fight is hard, God’s shown me the truth about it and taught me many ways to combat it. I spend most of my day just emersing myself in praise and worship because I know that the more I’m worshipping Him for the things that I have and the things He’s already done, the less I’ll be focused on the struggles and fears of tomorrow.
But it’s still really convicting for me because most of what I worry about when I get a little out there is totally hypothetical. And this past week, I got a glimpse of who I was a few months ago and immediately, I was like “whoa! Hold the phone! Samantha – WHY are you taking that thought that far?!” I know enough to know that the battlefield of spiritual warfare is most definitely in the mind, and I can only tell you that the thought had to have come from the devil. Had to have – because it didn’t come from God, I can promise you that. In a matter of ten seconds, my nothing-but-faithful-and-loyal-and-loving, God-send of a boyfriend was in love with someone else. Like I said, I slammed the brakes on my thought life and was just shaking my head, like “no, this cannot be right.”
Having gone over this time and time again with a friend in the past, I just kept reminding myself that God has it all under control and I believe that in my heart to be true (sometimes, my head just has to catch up) so I focused a lot on Jeremiah 29:11 again. I know that I know that I know that God’s will has me where I am right now, and my future has hope and prosperity as long as I follow God. So no matter what fear might creep in, no matter what doubt and insecurity I have, it will be all for naught because God is going to prosper me!
The scripture that’s really convicting to me, though, is Matthew 6:34, “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” I read that even now and I just think about all the time I spend fretting over what may or may not happen on someday’s tomorrow and just how much I’m missing today – the problems I’m not handling today that need immediate attention; or worse, the blessings I’m missing because I’m too distracted by troubles of tomorrow.
Over the course of my walk with Christ, I think a lot of the lessons I’ve learned and am continuing to learn are centered at this point of trust and peace. And I fully believe that the rest and contentness one would feel just keeping their mind in the present moment, cherishing each passing second for what it’s worth is really a sign of someone who truly TRUSTS in the Lord. And God knows I want to be that person… And I’ll get there. I’ve already come so far, praise God. I don’t want to be the person who is constantly stressed out and panicking (and sometimes looking like a HUGE idiot later on because what I was afraid of didn’t even happen) any longer. Thank God I don’t have to be… He promises His words are true and He’s proven it to me time and time again.
I’m really thankful for this lesson and even though I know He’s not finished with me, I really wanted to share it with whoever will read it because I know how important it is and just how difficult it is to get through.
The three major things God’s really imposing on me lately are:
1) Knowing that troubles will come and worrying about them are too different things.
2) A trusting relationship with the Lord leaves no space for worry and fear. And..
3)All those hypothetical questions in your mind are only lies from the devil, anyway. Don’t give weight to lies and don’t unknowingly give power to the devil!
It’s easy to have trust issues and doubt, and I’ll admit they’re hard to overcome. But like I just wrote the other day, there’s nothing to hard for God and we have access to His strength. All He asks is for that trust.
So if you are one of the people (like me) that do this – that get all worked up over stuff that isn’t happening, that isn’t real, and you haven’t accepted the Lords truth before, and you want Him to cure you like only He can…then get out of the boat, but don’t watch the storm – stay fixed on Jesus and you will never sink. Nothing will harm you, not even Satan himself. Just remember… how’s that saying go? “Do not fear drowning, because after all, your lifeguard walks on water.”