I have no idea why I’m writing about all of this other than because God has surrounded me with scripture and words of encouragement to boast in this. So I’ll do that – trusting that He’ll do some good here with all of this.
I’ve stumbled to write, and been discouraged in ministry lately. I’ve been overwhelmed and then some when it comes to…everything, and I’ve been holding it all together like it’s all under control.
I don’t have it together. Right now, I’ve got my hand a lot of things, and I feel no motivation for any of them, so they are overwhelming me. I’ve been lamenting (or avoiding the lamenting of) a few bad decisions. I feel as if no fire or passion is alive in me. I feel like dry bones.
But God is ministering to my heart in a big way this morning, and He’s telling me that while it’s not okay to stay in this feeling, it’s okay that I feel it.
I am weak, and dry, and incapable – and in that, I am perfect because the weaker I am, the stronger He can be in me. If I were a stronger, more capable or qualified person, I might not need Him so much. If I didn’t know what it felt like to be so dry and desolate, I wouldn’t know the joy and pleasure of being breathed back to life.
There is something about grace that makes me free to be weak.
There is something about Jesus’ sacrifice that makes it okay for me to be honest about my mistakes.
And there is something about God’s love that gives me great comfort admitting things aren’t always okay.
So much of our relationship with God (or lack thereof) depends on whether or not we believe what He says is true; and I do believe. I know that He will breathe life into me because I am constantly in prayer for it (now that I’ve admitted to Him, as well as myself, how I feel).
And I believe He already is doing this.
And even though I’m confused right now as of where to go or what to do in my ministry, I know that He is a lamp unto my feet and He will show me the way. Until then, I will continue to seek His face; and I will wait for His guidance patiently, not rushing or tempting the Lord to respond, but allowing Him to reveal and renew in His time.
In fact, if He draws out a revival in me – little by little each day, so that I might appreciate the details – I think that might be quite nice.