girl stuff, loneliness, love, personal relationships, romantic relationships, sex, Uncategorized

sex, engagements, and “talking about marriage.”

Young adult, single (as in not married) Christians-
The following question is one that has been posed to me recently, and I have a few people around me in some of the scenarios I’m about to describe, so there. There’s my purpose for this post, but this is for you (and a little bit for me too).
As some of you may know, I am engaged. I am not married.
Some of you may be engaged, or in a relationship that is heading for marriage, but the leap just hasn’t been made yet.

“Well, you already know you’re going to get married, can’t you have sex now?”

The answer is no. No I can’t.
And I’ll explain why in a few ways.

Firstly, (this one seems pretty cut and dry to me but) God states that sex is for marriage. I’m not married. Even though I INTEND to marry this man, that doesn’t make me married to him. He’s my fiancé, not my husband. The Scriptures don’t tell fiancées that they submit their bodies to one another, its husbands and wives (1 Corinthians 7:3-5).

Secondly, I heard once from someone that they were “married to each other in their hearts” and he proclaimed that before God he was married to his woman. Well, there’s a problem with that, because God commands to obey the government (Romans 13) and here in the USA, the state governments control marriage certificates. Without legally getting married by an officiate with “the power invested in [whoever] by the State of [wherever]” signing your marriage license, you’re not married. And even if you say you proclaim it before God, v2 says “So those who refuse to obey the laws of the land are refusing to obey God, and punishment will follow.”
So, okay – I’ll leave that one there.

Thirdly, adding on to all of that, I’ll quote for you Hebrews 13:4: “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and the sexually immoral.” God has a plan and intention for marriage, which above everything we make it, is to bring Him glory and give the world a picture of His love. It is sacred and there are things, such a sex, that He has reserved only for marriage. That should be honored.

And fourthly, (this is a bonus one, and to me a little bit funny honestly) for those of you in the situation of being unmarried, and not yet engaged: 1Corinthians 7:8-9 “Now to the unmarried and the widows, it is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry that to burn with passion (lust).”
Now let me clarify for those who take things out of context: please don’t rush into something stupid just because you can’t control your physical desires. Confirm with God that your marriage to this person would be holy and Godly, and if not, 1 Corinthians 6:18 says to “flee” from sexual immorality. Basically, if the sex is all that’s keeping you there, get up and run.

I’ll summarize:
Married is married. 2 equals 2.
Engaged is not married. 2 does not equal 1.
Talking about getting married is not married. 2 equal table.


I know it’s hard to be pure, believe me… I KNOW. And it gets harder when you are engaged because you’re so close to sharing that… I KNOW. We all struggle.
But just because it’s something EVERYONE struggles with doesn’t make it okay to ignore or give in to.
The goal of a Christian isn’t to be like everyone else, it is to be more like Christ.
It is to bring the Father glory.

Evaluate yourself and your values. If you value convenience and sexual pleasure, then I guess what I’ve said makes no sense and probably “doesn’t work for you.” But if you value God’s glory, and bringing Him joy from your obedience, then please take what I’ve said – what I’ve LEARNED the hard way to heart.

To every brother and sister in Christ I know in these situations, my heart breaks for you and I love you too much to see you suffering the way that you do, but not nearly as much as our Father in heaven does.
Please, in His name and in His strength and power, RUN. FLEE FROM SEXUAL IMMORALITY.
It’s not of God. Save yourself for your husband or wife – for when God sanctifies your sex life, and can bless it beyond your wildest dreams.
Praying for you always.
And please, also, pray for me.

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