If you enjoy my rant posts, then you’ll like this one I think.
But I’ll just say it now, before I get any comments: I know this is absolutely NOT politically correct and I’m quite alright with that. It’s actually quite intentional; not to provoke anything, but because I really don’t want to conform to the “PC” sometimes.
In my preparation for marriage, I have been seeking the Lord for a greater understanding about how to be purposely and feminine in the way that He had designed for me to be, how to best fulfill the role He designed for me in the family, in relation to both my husband and my children. In doing so, I have noticed a stark contrast in what it means to be a Godly feminine woman and a worldly feminine woman, which I’m sure you figured. Knowing what I know about history (I like history a lot, a lot) it wasn’t hard for me to trace back a ways to see where women derailed themselves for what God planned out for them: the feminist movement.
So, everyone is pretty well aquatinted with the feminist movement, no? Here’s a link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feminist_movement_in_the_United_States
Now, I’m not here to dispute the necessity of a movement for women’s rights to vote or social and cultural equality in regards to importance and value on life. That was necessary. There were some real and severe injustices against women that needed to be handled and set straight. But is has been, not just my observation, but my experience that the pendulum has swung just a little too far in the opposite direction.
Again, as I mentioned before – the feminist movement DID accomplish some great things. I’m happy to have my right to vote and governments that will not be prejudice against me because I am a woman, and that there are laws that protect women from misuse and abuse.
But the following are a few things that I’ve found the feminist movement has also won me that I’m kind of upset about:
1. Emasculated fish in the sea.
I can’t imagine that I’m the only strong-willed woman out there who wants a man. Not just a guy, A MAN. We want men who are strong, wise, and willing to lead us through life, not someone who is a doormat or someone who fights us for authority, but lovingly inspires us to follow them. A man who so has the man department covered that it allows us to just be a woman, rather than trying to pick up the slack. And I know I’m not the only woman out there who has noticed how few of these men there are.
Feminist movement ideals of the radical kind – not the ones that asked to be allowed to speak in their own homes or to have the right to vote – the ones that have bashed men for decades with the message “anything you can do I can do better” have completely emasculated the generation of men we are facing right now girls. It emasculated their dads, and it’s emasculated them. It has rendered them useless and incompetent leaders because we’ve been doing it for them – and failing.
I’m sorry to say that to fellow ladies, but is it any coincidence that the highest divorce rates in all of history exist when a majority of families are run by the women? God designed the man to be the leader of the household. He is naturally designed to do it. We were designed to support that role because he can’t do everything. When you put the supporting actor in at the lead, the movie is going to suffer if not fall apart. The President has a role, and the Vice President has a role. Our country would be in trouble if Obama laid down and submitted his every responsibility to Biden. (Maybe the two of them are a bad illustration, but hopefully you get the point). It’d be a disaster.
Most of these men have no clue how to be men of God and most of them are willing to submit control to their wives because where they have not been trained to be leaders as boys, young girls have been.
2. Confusion about my identity.
Much like the men of our generation are confused, so are we. I feel like I’m in my first year of school studying what feminism was designed by God to be. It’s not only the complete opposite of the way I was raised in a secular home, but it’s the complete opposite of how I’ve been functioning altogether. I feel like I’ve been brainwashed into believing that I SHOULD run the family because I’m more qualified and that I have some sort of edge over a man because I have (insert any typical feminine attribute here). I’ve been instilled with an entitlement of sorts in regards to my role, and it has caused some tension in my relationships with Christian men.
For a while I dated a very strong willed leader and he behaved in such a way toward me that almost was in reaction to my strength as well. We fought all the time because the loving aspect of his relation to me was missing, but it was largely due to the fact that the submissive aspect of my relation to him was missing.
It has taken me a long time and it is taking me more time still to understand the difference between being a strong woman and being a woman of strength. Please believe me when I tell you these are two totally different things: http://beyoutyproject.wordpress.com/2013/12/17/148/.
The radical feminist movement’s ideals have made me believe that I can take on anything that a man can – but it’s not true. Though both men and women were created in the image of God and therefore equals in value to Him, it is indisputable that we were created differently. We look different, we feel different, and our bodies perform different things in different ways. And while the feminist movement was fighting for women to have equal value, we bit off a bit more at the end than we were designed to chew. We asked for equality, to stand at their sides as equal, what we did was step into their shoes and take over, in the marriage, in the family, and in much of society.
3. A career outside of the home.
Not that having a job and earning a living is a bad thing necessarily, but it has occurred to me that I spend more time with my co-workers than I do with my to-be-husband or daughter. That makes me sad and all kinds of angry.
In my honest assessment and basic understanding, in WWII all the boys went off to war. Jobs had to be done so women did them. Women liked the feeling of independence and freedom and having money and doing things outside of the home. It was new and fun, I imagine. So when the boys came back, the women didn’t want to go back home, they wanted to stay in the workplace. They wanted jobs. They wanted careers. Now, the difference between a job and a career is a line in the sand that I’d like to draw. A job is temporary, a career is something you’re dedicating your livelihood to. Today, lots of mothers, if not a majority, don’t just have jobs. They have careers. As a mom, a young mom, I know God literally handcrafted a career for me but it’s not a job. It’s the fact that I’m a wife and mother. That doesn’t mean lazy free-loader sitting on the couch and that doesn’t mean slave in front of the kitchen stove. That means a dignified, God-given position of building a home for the family that she loves, creating a safe and welcoming, loving and God-glorifying environment for her husband to retire to and her kids to be raised in. I have so much more respect for women who stay home and do this well. They are Proverbs 31 women and I deeply long for God to bring my future husband and I to a place where I can step into that career.
A lot of people will probably say that our American society requires a two income family, also, to which I will question, “Why?” The thing with our American culture is that we have to have everything and everything we have has to be better than someone else’s. Without the giant brand-new cars, fancy homes, and excess of crap, we wouldn’t need two incomes.
4. Single motherhood.
As I stated before, I’m approaching marriage and I’m so excited, but I have a 4 year old daughter who I have been a single mom to for…the last 4 years. Many things got me into the situation I found myself in in late 2010, moving back in with my parents (who are also divorced) after deciding to leave the father of my daughter. He, being the kind of man earlier referenced in #1, and I, being the girl earlier referenced in #2, had many struggles due to the mindset and understanding we had of the family unit. Not only did we not know how to live it out, our examples of strong family units were few. He spent most of his life with just his mother before coming under the legal guardianship of other family members, and I have divorced parents. We were both emotionally, spiritually, and honestly – sexually broken. So many lies fueled our relationship and eventually I left on the premise that I’d be better off alone than with him. It was another year or so before I gave my life to Christ and began the journey of learning truth, so the fact that I have been better off doesn’t really have anything to do with my ex as it does to do with the fact that now I have Christ and I didn’t then. And God had a plan for me and has lead me to a wonderful man who I am anxiously waiting to just call him my husband, but not every woman is in the same shoes I am.
So many women around me who are single mothers left their spouses or the fathers of their children because they believed they could do it better on their own. Rather than play dad with dad in the house, we’ve chose to play mom and dad at the same time with no supporting role.
I shudder and what would have become of me had Jesus not come for me when he did. My heart breaks when I imagine what would have become of my daughter had she been raised in two broken homes her entire life, never knowing the love of God, of family, and marriage.
A lot of these women, and men too for that matter, have been giving this idea that their happiness is the most important thing, and I really believe the feminist movement contributed and continues to contribute to this. “It’s about you girl – you’re the center of your own world. You do what makes you happy!” No, that’s not the way it works, not in marriage and definitely not in family. You do what is good for your spouse and your kids, not what makes you happy. It has fueled a society filled with selfish mothers and ineffective fathers and it breaks my heart for what the next generation of men and women will be like.
So again, while not everything they did was bad, this – all of the above – is how I currently see the feminist movement and what it has done to the family. It waged all-out war on real men, good women, and the entire family unit. The Bible says that our fight is not with flesh and blood, but with the enemy, the powers and authorities of darkness, the devil. He’s crafty.
My fiancé shared with me this interesting and thought provoking illustration from The Resolution for Men: when you want to take out an army, you take out the commander. When you want to beat a football team, you put their quarter back out of commission, and when you want to win at chess, you put the king in check mate.
The enemy manipulated society. He manipulated a movement. He sparked an uprising hidden behind the veil of justice in an attempt to overthrow what God had perfectly designed.
Take a stand with me ladies. Take a stand to me to resolve not to be a “strong” woman of the world, but a Godly woman of strength. Take a stand for ourselves, for our husbands (current or future), and for our families to seek truth about who we are, what we were designed to do, and how valuable we are when we are doing it, how excellent we are when we are doing it. Pray for our husbands to be leading men of God who seek the kingdom first to lead us in order to present us to God blameless and spotless (Ephesians 5). Make a promise to honor and respect our husbands; lead our children with gentleness and kindness; and to build virtuous homes where we all can grow and walk close together with the Lord – knowing that this is a priceless duty that God designed specifically for you, that only you can do.