A few days ago, I had a crazy dream. And I’m still processing through it but I wanted to share it because it left me with this overwhelming sense of joy and peace. And writing always helps me see what God is revealing to me through things, so welcome to the method of Sam figuring this out. Join me on this developing story?
Lately, I’ve felt a little funky, like I’m a little distant from God. I understand the ebbs and flows of relationship so this doesn’t feel all too abnormal to me; I’m not panicking about it. I’ve mulled over some theological issues and how they apply to my life especially that of having and losing salvation, if such a thing is possible.
I know what I need to do, though, in order to hear from God – pray, read, and He will make Himself known. And He has.
I went to bed about a week ago with nothing in particular in mind, but God met me, I think in a hugely beautiful way. I’ll do my best to do the imagery justice here.
I was with Moses and the Israelites leaving Egypt. We’d come to the Red Sea and we were just kind of hanging out there. I don’t remember feeling anxious about anything, or even tired from walking, but my son was there, I was carrying him.
I watched Moses wade out into the waters and I just stared at him. The words that came out of my mouth struck me a little bit because I’m positive I talk about my own husband this way sometimes when I disagree with what he’s doing.
It’s not that I didn’t agree that God was working in him, or that God wasn’t delivering us from Egypt. It was that I didn’t understand what he was doing in the water. I thought it was ridiculous and I was acting a little annoyed, if not just flat out doubtful.
I thought we should keep moving, to think of something, to figure it out. God may have delivered us from Egypt, but I was treating it like it was up to us to figure out from there, and I was growing impatient with Moses just standing in the shallows off the beach.
The next thing I knew – and it might be just the way of dreams, or maybe it’s because what happened next just happened that suddenly and my brain couldn’t keep up – I was sprinting, baby in tow, between two enormous walls of water along a rocky sea bed.
I remember the feeling of the rocks moving and shifting beneath my feet and trying to move quickly while being careful to not roll an ankle. I remember the awkward way I was holding my son as I ran and tried not to jostle him around too much. I remember people around me running the exact same way, shouting, howling, and singing with joy and awe. I remember how the water on either side of us wasn’t just passively existing, but shooting into the air like a geyser with a deafening roar.
But mostly I just remember this feeling of being absolutely terrified and at the same time, absolutely still. The water rocketing into the air was so loud and so powerful, and the fact that it was happening at all was insane, and I didn’t know if we were even safe, but a peace and a joy that transcended all reason overwhelmed me and I wanted to cry, but I was too happy. I was jumping out of my skin with excitement at the whole situation.
God had come through. God was defying all logic, reason, and for crying out loud, GRAVITY and the fundamentals of MATTER to show His great love for us – for me, even, right in the middle of my doubt and trying to control Him. He was providing not just a way out but a completely insane way out of our bondage, a way that no one would ever believe if you didn’t see it for yourself, without faith at least.
The last thing I remember is thinking that I was crazy for ever having doubted the Lord and what the Lord was doing, expressing so much gratitude to God in my heart, and I almost made a mental note to apologize to Moses when I caught up.
And that’s when I woke up.
And I think that maybe this is what God is trying to say to me, and maybe even to you:
There are things we struggle with, sins that we are aware of that are thorns in our sides. They are things not so easily given up, and definitely cannot be just dropped like a bad habit or quit cold turkey. They require heart changes, something supernatural that comes from within. And for me personally, I’ve been doubting that deliverance a little bit. I’ve been struggling with belief that it does come to an end, not by programs or accountability partners or Bible studies or more church. But sometimes, those things are not enough. Sometimes, it requires an absolutely insane and terrifyingly exciting work that can ONLY be God and no one else. Sometimes it requires something that we could never understand or create on our own.
And I thinking that, for me, this is what God is getting me ready for. Letting me work out my salvation a little bit, question Him – not out of a challenge of authority, but out of desire to know Him more, because He wants us to know Him more – and working all the things around us to literally just blow our socks off and explode Himself out of the little humanistic boxes we tend to put Him in.
So as much as I’m hoping this is God’s way of telling me that this is on its way for me, if He gave me this dream to share it for you, I’d love to hear about the way He just rocked your world with His goodness and grace. Or if you’re struggling still to believe, I’d love to pray with you. Visit the contact page or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org .
Peace and love and grace and Jesus to you all.