I saw a headline the other day that was complete bull, okay? A load of crap.It was like, the 7 things you shouldn’t say to your kids because you’ll mess them up in the head forever. Or something like that.
And the first thing you shouldn’t say to you’re kid or your a bad mom? “It’s okay.”
Jiminy Cricket, are you SERIOUS? Ugh. No wonder we have this insane pressure as mom’s and wives to be ‘better’ all the time. ‘Perfect’ all the time. We have to be able to have pre-baby bodies, because, heaven forbid we have a POST-baby body that’s different from the former. We must have Pinterest themed birthday parties, because we all know that a life isn’t fully celebrated without handmade paper straws in mason jars. But now, we can’t tell our kids “it’ll be okay” because we are emotionally damaging them? Seriously? No. The mom shaming crap stops here and I’m done trying to live up to these ridiculous expectations.
I’m sorry. (No, I’m not actually). But I just can’t do it all.
I’m one human for crying out loud. A normal human, probably flawed and fucked up from my own mother telling me I was fine when I wasn’t. (Queue eye roll, and please tell me you picked up on that sarcasm…). I’m going to get things wrong sometimes and that’s normal. But sometimes when I tell my kid “it’s okay” that’s a perfect appropriate response.
Want to know why? Because she 7. And I was 7 once. But now I’m 27 and the things that I thought were awful and “not okay” at 7 mean absolutely nothing to me now because I learned that my joy and my peace and my living my life isn’t completely dependent upon my circumstances. And can you guess where I learned that? My own imperfect mother telling me, at 7, that it was okay. That my life was okay, that there were bigger problems than wearing jeans to school, spilled milk, and missing a television program. I needed my mom to teach me that and she did – by telling me it was okay.
I read a short time after that ridiculous headline that maybe “we should care less about being perfect moms and more about being happy, healthy, and moderately sane ones.” Can I get an amen?! Please and thank you.
Reading mom articles depresses me sometimes. I feel like a failure and I feel anxious. Being anxious leads to stress which leads to a short fuse, for me. A short fuse means I snap at my kids more. It means I enjoy them less and am less enjoyable.
Mom articles do not make me a better mom. Being a mom makes me a better mom. Spending time with my kids, learning them and loving on them, and playing makes me a better mom. And sometimes, spending 20 minutes alone in a tanning bed makes me a better mom. Sometimes a cup of coffee does, or maybe a night out with my girl friend, going to yoga, or getting something done around the house uninterrupted.
Because those things make me happy. They help keep me sane.
So I’m writing, of all things, this mom article, to tell you to stop stressing. Stop reading articles that make you worse because they stress you out. If you love your kids and they know it, they’re (generally) happy, and they’re healthy? You’re doing a GREAT job. Keep it up. But don’t feel the need to over-do it just to keep up with Pinterest Jones’s or beat yourself up because you told your kid it would be okay if the iPad wasn’t fully charged or your kid ate a happy meal from McDonald’s. Take time for you when you need it, love those babies, stay sane, sisters, and fuck the rest of it.