The right and wrong ways to say you’re sorry.

Do you know what’s really shitty? Saying, “I’m sorry you feel that way” when you should just be saying, “I’m sorry.”

I won’t even touch on the way or tone of voice used during an apology, because that’s a rant I’d have to go on in person, not on my blog. It just won’t make as much sense typed out. But what WILL make sense is my rant about the dreaded “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

That shit is weak.

1) The person you’re BS-ing with this crap “apology” is the one who feels that way and therefore THEY own those feelings, not you. You can’t apologize for something you didn’t do any more than you can apologize for feelings that belong to someone else. Stop it.

2) On that note, because they belong to that person, you’re not apologizing for doing anything to hurt that person because, even though you’re saying the words “I’m sorry,” you’re not apologizing for your own words or actions. You’re apologizing for their feelings, making the thing that’s wrong or hurtful their own hurt feelings. It’s deflecting and a twisted ass form of victim blaming. And no one likes a victim blamer.

3) I’m just going to say this as brutally honest as I can manage: this apology makes you one of two things. You’re either an arrogant ass or you’re a giant pussy. (Sorry for the language, but I have to be real with you because it’s THAT awful). If you’re apologizing that way because you don’t actually think you have to apologize because you’re perfect and didn’t do anything wrong, you’re probably an arrogant ass. And if you’re apologizing this way because you’re afraid of admitting guilt and having to answer for a wrongdoing, well, then you’re a pussy.

You don’t get to decide what someone else feels about your actions. If someone’s hurt, you’re in no position to tell them they shouldn’t feel that way, because not only is that just rude and no ones place, but because you’re the perpetrator of their hurt, it’s completely manipulative and inappropriate (way more inappropriate than my foul language, for sure).

Moral of the story, folks: get over your pride and just say “I’m sorry,” and leave it at that. Don’t be an asshole and don’t be a pussy. Be a real man or woman (especially men and women of Christ – jeez) and have enough maturity to just apologize.

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