living in the light.

Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead even  expose them; for it is disgraceful even to speak of the things which are done by them in secret. But all things become visible when they are exposed by the light, for everything that becomes visible is light. For this reason it says, “ Awake, sleeper, And arise from the dead, And Christ will shine on you. (Ephesians 5:11-14 NASB)

So don’t make judgments about anyone ahead of time—before the Lord returns. For he will bring our darkest secrets to light and will reveal our private motives. Then God will give to each one whatever praise is due. (1 Corinthians 4:5 NLT)

No one lights a lamp and hides it in a clay jar or puts it under a bed. Instead, they put it on a stand, so that those who come in can see the light. For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open. (Luke 8:16-17 NIV)

For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil. (Ecclesiastes 12:14 NIV)

While people are saying, “Peace and safety,” destruction will come on them suddenly, as labor pains on a pregnant woman, and they will not escape. But you, brothers and sisters, are not in darkness so that this day should surprise you like a thief. You are all children of the light and children of the day. We do not belong to the night or to the darkness. So then, let us not be like others, who are asleep, but let us be awake and sober. (1 Thessalonians 5:4-7 NIV)

Do you know what’s liberating? Having no secrets.

Would I have preferred for people I barely know, let alone people I don’t even know, know anything about my sex life, past, present, or future? Yeah, sure would. Because it’s just really awkward to think about the fact that, knowing about my past affair means you know things about my sex life. Ew.

But, honestly, it’s freeing.

I don’t have to hide it. I don’t have to be afraid of anyone finding out – it’s out there. There was never any chance I wouldn’t write about it – writing is cathartic to me, it was bound to happen. But at least now I don’t have to feel weird or apprehensive about it.

And that’s kind of become the philosophy that I’ve adopted, and the lifestyle I believe God called me to. But not just me; I think He calls all of us to it. Because living with stuff like that hidden and secret, it’s in the dark. And in the dark it has power, power to control us with fear, anxiety, and shame – NONE of which is of God. No, God is of the light! He is of freedom, forgiveness, grace, and confidence.

And therefore, having literally the worst thing I’ve ever done, the one thing that could have brought me so much shame and isolation and darkness, instead has brought me to places of freedom and authenticity and depth and awareness I doubt I would have known otherwise.

With this new experience of God’s grace being so overwhelming and overflowing, I have a new found gratitude for the hard times of people trying to expose things like that kid we all knew in second grade, or talk smack like that punk in high school.

Its like, ‘Fine. Go ahead. Talk. I won’t go on the offensive or the defensive. The truth is going to stand for itself, and when the opportunity presents itself for me to share my truth, I will, but I won’t force that. God will open those doors because when He reveals it, that’s when it changes hearts, minds, and lives.’ Amen?

On the offensive or defensive, I just sound like I’m making excuses or trying to shift blame, or worse, proving right the misinformation or half truths floating around about me. But instead, if I put my head down, ride out the drama, shock, and awe, the truth will reveal itself in God’s time, and will either bring restoration or bring justice. (And if it be the latter, well, then, I’d much rather leave the raining of wrath to God. No matter how bad I think I am, I’m not God). We all must answer for the sins we each commit, and honestly, I’m so grateful to have received my rebuke in THIS life, rather than trying to move on to the next.

The only one who fears the light is the enemy. He is much more capable of convincing us that God is somehow not of the dark. But let me tell you: He is the same God of the dark as He is of the light. Each exists because He is the God of both, who commands both into existence, amen? Nothing in the dark is outside of God’s sight or knowledge, and learning to live of the light now is better than to have to hear those things we hoped were missed read to us at our judgement. Those secrets yet confessed, those truths yet owned – bring them to the light. Live. Of. The. Light. There’s freedom here. And there’s peace.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. (Colossians 3:15 NIV)

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