How can I midwife this sadness?
How do I create a life with it?
And the night answered:
Tell your story.
– Tanya Markul
I’ve suffered some blows in recent weeks that left me feeling so damn disappointed in humans. I’ve had to wake up and realize that there were people and connections that have meant the world to me for a time are not necessarily for all time.
Caring for my SELF has forced me to create some strong boundaries, and even cut some ties.
Sometimes, I think the general perception is that I don’t give a shit, I do what I have to do, and I don’t get sad or mourn these things. But that’s just not true.
Taking action to protect my own mental, spiritual, and emotional wellbeing, establishing and guarding my own boundaries doesn’t make me a savage without feelings.
I’ve spent recent weeks trying to deal with disappointment, grief, bitterness, anxiety, and the like.
I’ve been identifying triggers and removing them from my life because there are relationships and connections and actions that need and deserve my energy right now, and situations and time that deserve my joy and happiness, and a wounded self that deserves my love and protection.
And as I read this quote from Tanya Markul today, I reflected on my current state of feeling, and choose to honor myself by telling this story, and planting flowers.
I do so figuratively by pouring myself and my love and energy into my closest relationships and ones that are reciprocal, and by what I hope I offering encouragement to anyone reading this who might also feel similarly.
But also, I do so literally. I have been healing my black thumb and caring for green loves. I have named all my plant babies, and keeping them alive has been such a wonderful, grace-filled, and curious adventure.
All that being said, water your plants. Water the grass beneath your feet. And tell your story, too.